"if only i had faith i would be sick no more"

if i had a dime for every time a person told me "if you would just pray and trust in God you would not be depressed." ok now every person that has had depression tell me, what happened when you prayed. well as for me the first thing i do when i start feeling that dark hole coming on is pray. i pray everytime something hurts. when i was first diagnosed with clinical depression i was huddled in a corner, crying, praying, just wanting it to all end. then after hours like this, praying, someone that loved me came along and took me to my dr who then started me on anit-depressants.

well, after being on that for a few weeks i slowly realized that i had been in a hole. all alone, hurting for no reason. my life was fine, i wasnt in pain as i am now but i just couldnt, no matter what, shake that feeling. i hated being around people yet i was afraid of being alone. nothing, not even my children made me happy. but after the meds took affect i saw what i was like being out of that hole. i have from time to time gotten off the depression meds and every single time i go right back into that hole. praying the whole time.

you just cant understand what its like to be depressed for no reason unless you've actually been thru it, therefore, its very hard for even loved ones to understand. they say "why are you depressed?" there is no reason i just am. "but if you prayed you wouldnt be." yes i would, it was God that showed me anti-depressants so yes prayer works. i believe with my whole heart that God was the one that helped me find those meds. depression for a reason such as loss of a loved one, divorce, loneliness, loss of job things like that can be overcome without meds, but clinical depression is chemical imbalance in your brain. its like having diabetes, your not crazy, your not mental, you have a chemical imbalance that you can not help but meds can. or at least for most people.

now what pisses me off is when i just get in a bad mood, have pms or something of the sort, the first thing my family says "ARE YOU TAKING YOUR MEDS?" that makes me want to scream. i dont, but i smile and say yes i have, SO NOW I'M JUST PISSED OFF! so there, hope this helps just one person. thanks again.